Thursday, October 25, 2007

The Mom Back in the Country

Today I recieved a phone call updating me on my mom's condition. It's not good. The hospice nurse says she is not responsive...slipping away more each day. The hospice nurse says she doesn't expect my mom to make it through the weekend. Immediately I cry. My dad died suddenly at the age of 42 and I didn't get a chance to say good-bye. I always hated that. With Mom I have had weeks to say good-bye and a year before that to tell her how much I love her. I am so glad that we were reunited over a year ago. I enjoyed my time with her and she really seemed to enjoy her time with me. But over the last 6 months she has been so depressed and repeatedly wishing she would die. She was lonely and had a great deal of difficulty walking and that depressed her even more. I guess as her daughter I kept thinking that she should shake all those bad feelings and enjoy her time with me and my brothers. Pretty selfish...huh? With my dad being gone and now soon my mom being gone I am beginning to feel like an orphan. There is one really special lady in my life (well many special ladies) but this one is a former mother-in-law. Her son and I divorced 7 years ago but she has remained a constant in my life since then. She never fails to let me know how special I am to her and remembers every holiday. I talk to her every Saturday morning just playing catch up and she has said I can come stay with her when my mom passes. She lives about 30 minutes from my mom. My ex-husband & I are good friends which is unusual but appreciated. So now I have the warning that she is passing and it doesn't seem a whole lot better. The one thing I can say is that I don't have any regrets. I loved her and I will miss her.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

There's nothing you can really say when someone in passes on. Atleast I don't feel like there is. I'll I can say is that it's ok to cry, as much as you need to. And it's a good thing to have that sadness. There could of been a time when that wouldn't of been the way it was, and regret is a evil thing..
just know that you are surrounded by family and friends that love you very very much and will be with thru all of this.
And don't be afraid to ask for those hugs.
Love you mom